Questions raced through my mind as I saw a 13 year old boy begging for money to buy more paint thinner to get high on. As I thought more about how screwed up this situation was it brought me to a point of anger. The fact that I couldn’t do anything about it was even more frustrating.
With tears in my eyes I prayed my heart out (or complained) to God.
God, how could you let this happen? No 13 year old boy should ever be out in the streets, let alone be addicted to paint thinner. Why won’t you do anything about this? God, please do something. Just fall on this boy with your spirit. Give him yourself. Do something Jesus. Please do something. I hate feeling this broken…
He answered, “I hate it too.”
One thing that I learned in my Christian life is that God is a God of intimacy. He is not a distant God. His heart breaks for His children as a father would be broken for his child who is doing wrong. He also desires to teach us more about His heart. That brokenness I felt for the boy high on paint thinner was the same brokenness that God has for him.
But at that time and that place I couldn’t help but complain. And I couldn’t help but doubt His power. Questioning Him, “God if this breaks your heart…why won’t you just change it? Why can’t you just come down like fire and take this boy’s desire for paint thinner and make yourself known to him?”
God convicted my heart of the doubt that I held…
As I was praying, God brought me to Isaiah chapter 40:25-28…
“To whom will you compare me, that I should be like him?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see: “who created these?” He who brings out their host by number, calling them by name, by the greatness of His might, and because He is strong in power, not one is missing.
Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak O Israel, “my way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God?” Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He holds the stars in His hands. His power we cannot wrap our minds around…ever. We sometimes cannot understand what God is doing. At times we have no flipping idea. I don’t know why God allowed that 13 year old boy to be high on paint thinner or even why Tegucigalpa is such a broken place. I’m learning that He doesn’t always call us to understand the situation. But as the verse above says, He is the everlasting God and His understanding is unsearchable. He calls us to trust Him. Trust that He holds everything in His hands. Trust that He is good and that everything He does is good. Looking at all the brokenness around me, it gets hard at times to trust that He is good…but in those moments I look up at the stars and I know that I can trust the star holding God.
Brian love seeing what all you kids are doing and your passionate heart for what God places as His utmost priority that one sheep out of 99 that has gone astray….Stay encouraged we are all praying for you guys here in the Huemann household. Thank you for being such a GREAT friend to Elliot!